Pondering the meaning and mystery of who she was and who she is
A few weeks ago I received a thought-provoking question in a letter from a friend. He is a member of the same support group I attend, and he wanted input from me and other group members who have spoken of their faith. Here’s a part of what he wrote:
Today’s discussion had me thinking about the topic of the soul and the relationship between a person’s soul-brain-essence. I’m curious: Has your concept of soul shifted as you’ve seen your respective loved ones change from the people they once were? How do you relate to their soul and essence as they seemingly become someone entirely different?
Here's what I wrote in response:
You've touched a topic that has intrigued and confused philosophers and theologians through the years, and I hardly feel qualified to address it conclusively.
In my understanding so far, I would separate soul from essence. I understand soul to be that aspect of a person that survives after life. I'm not sure what you're thinking when you say "essence." Do you mean, "Who IS this person? Does who he is change as the disease does its dirty work?" If so, that's more complicated, isn't it?
Purely spiritual
I understand soul as something purely spiritual, not touched by disease. But since so much of a person's temperament, preferences, and personality are controlled, or at least directed, by the brain, I think we see all of that morphing into something surprising as the brain becomes compromised.
So who is the person standing (or sitting!) before us, with all those difficult behaviors? At the very least, I can say, "Who she is is certainly not who she was!"
Former self
We work to see signs of that former self in current behavior. "What did your wife do?" people ask me. When I tell them she was a teacher, they believe that has created her current near compulsion to read. Did a lifetime of reading create what we're seeing now? I'm not so sure about that, but we all have this desire to see something of what she was in what she has become.
I guess I'd conclude that her "essence" has been tarnished and broken. We can see in a shattered crystal vase some of the beauty in what once was. But that vase is nothing like what it was, neither in form nor function.
Existing forever
This is so sad because now we must simply throw the vase away. But the Bible seems to say that the soul exists forever.
I did a simple word search for "soul" here: https://www.biblegateway.com/quicksearch/?quicksearch=soul&version=NASB
Sometimes the Bible uses soul as we would use it as a synonym for person. ("Two dozen souls died in the accident.") I'm no scholar of the original languages, so I can't explain what's happening in the translation process in those examples.
More often, though, the Bible (especially in the New Testament) differentiates soul from other parts of our identity and seems to be saying it exists forever. If you care to look at these references, you can see if you think I'm on track here.
Grief points
When Evelyn snarls at me, when she eats her vegetables with her fingers, even when she spends a solid hour (or two!) reading out loud, I have no notion that this is who she is. She is no longer who she "is," or was.
This is one of my major grief points, especially as it relates to my 7-year-old grandson's experience of her. He'll never know or remember her true essence. But God will have control and care of her soul, and that gives me great comfort.
My friend thanked me for my answer, but I’m wondering what other readers think of it. All comments are welcome. Please add them in the “Comments” box below. Feel free to clarify or correct.
The conversation will help me, and I’m guessing it will interest my friend who says he “has curiosity but not a particularly strong connection to any faith.” His curiosity has been enough to keep me thinking about the faith I claim. Let’s think about it together!
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