Monday meditation: ‘The job is too much for you to handle alone’
Today’s story of Moses settling disputes for his people in the wilderness contains phrases that jump out at us caregivers.
Moses heard the people’s issues and complaints “from morning till evening,” presumably six days every week.
His father-in-law saw this situation and said, “This job is too heavy a burden for you to handle all by yourself.”
So he advised him, “Select from all the people some capable, honest men,” and “let them settle the smaller matters themselves.”
Management or leadership consultants might point to this as a classic example of a leader who needed to learn to delegate. Caregivers can read the account and realize we are not the first people in history incapable of handling the whole load ourselves.
But we try.
The things we say
“No one can do it as well as I can,” we claim. (We think this, even if we don’t speak it.)
“I’ll be imposing to ask someone for help.” (This, in spite of the fact that they’ve offered.)
“I’m doing fine. I have it all under control.” (We say this even when we know it’s not true.)
“I feel guilty if I’m not there doing my job at home.” (But we haven’t considered how the caregiving suffers when the caregiver has emptied every reservoir of strength he has to offer.)
Responsibility creep
Part of the issue is the responsibility creep that comes with caring for someone with a progressive disease. Examples:
• She used to hang up her clothes. Now you find them on the floor or on a chair, sometimes where you least expect them.
• He was always meticulous about personal grooming, even after the initial diagnosis. But these days he doesn’t take a bath or brush his teeth if you don’t remind him.
• She was the one who kept your house together. Now she’ll fold the laundry or dry the dishes only if you ask her. And then you sometimes must follow after her, sorting items out of the wrong drawers or shelves.
• You’ve found him wandering down the street by himself, so these days you keep your eye on him every minute.
• Now that she has fallen more than once, you feel you must be mindful of every step she takes.
We need the help
Thankfully, most of us have people in our world who understand how this goes. They’ve seen caregivers sometimes work so hard at their tasks they become sick themselves. In fact, most of us know at least one caregiver who died before the patient in their care.
So our friends volunteer to run errands, bring food, or sit with the person we love so we can retreat to some necessary self-care.
Like Moses, we need help. The job is too heavy a burden for us to handle all by ourselves. Caregivers need what Moses had allowed himself to lose: Freedom. In his case, he had a nation to lead. In ours, we have a precious life to nurture. Actually, make that two: their life and our own as well.
Making time to read today’s Scripture and pray something like today’s prayer below are two good first steps. A third might be to pick up the phone and call someone for help.
Read: Exodus 18:5, 13-26
Pray: Forgive me, Father, when I act as though I’m the only one who can give the care. Help me when I claim I don’t need the help at all. Open my eyes to the ways you want to bless me through the goodness of others; and bless them, too, because they’ve found in me a way to serve you.
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